Editors note: I originally wrote this piece in late April of 2020. This is part one of a multi-part series of the lessons I have been learning during COVID-19. Hopefully this will be helpful to you in some capacity. If you have not read part I, CLICK HERE.
“Well…. $#!+.” These were the exact words I said to my bosses on a Zoom call as I lost my job. April 24, 2020. My Pop’s birthday. I felt like I had given my dad the world’s crappiest birthday gift.
“Hey, happy birthday! Sorry this unfortunate event is overshadowing celebrating you!”
Emotions are complex things. I felt sadness, confusion, and believe it or not, hope. There is no bitterness. My ex-bosses are good dudes. I worked for a good company. Sometimes things just happen, like a pandemic.
As the sadness washed over me, it was never due to a great sense of loss to be totally honest. My job was not my identity, and I did not feel super fulfilled at work. It was that I knew the job market SUCKED during the season we were in. I knew I was now among the throngs of unemployed masses in America, wondering were my next paycheck would come from. I called my landlord, and luckily was able to get out of my lease.
I decided I wanted to take a week and think / pray through what my next move was for my job. I didn’t want to make a decision based out of fear. I had savings built up, and knew I would be alright financially. I started to apply for some jobs that would be fun, and talked with my parents about how I missed working with students, and I wasn’t sure what that meant. I missed feeling like I was making a difference in the world. They said, “maybe you should think about going back to youth ministry…?” But I said no. I was determined that part of my life was done. I had done youth ministry and thought that part of my life was done.
Funny thing is, however, a year ago Youth for Christ had approached me (as I was volunteering as a leader with them) and they asked if I would like to look at the possibility of coming on staff. I still said no, and that my time in youth ministry had come to a close. Funnier still, Youth for Christ still had an opening on staff.
Aunt Chris texted me. She is the admin at Youth for Christ in the Peoria area. Over a year ago, Youth for Christ had approached me to come and work for them. I even went to Campus Life in high school as a student and loved it. I said no. I was feeling burnt out in ministry, and thought I had failed in ministry.
I said to my aunt that “unless this is The Lord taking me kicking and screaming, I don’t think this is it.” Word started to make the rounds that I had lost my job. A day later, Ryan Anderson from Youth for Christ messaged me and asked if I had considered applying for the Youth for Christ job in Pekin. I begrudgingly said I would pray about it, and started praying that God would make it clear what my next steps should be in regards to my employment. Within the week of me praying, LITerally 7 other people who had NO IDEA about the Youth for Christ job texted me and asked if I had considered going back into youth ministry. According to them, they thought I was good at it, and that maybe this was God recalibrating things in my life.
Since I had 9 people contact me, I thought it might be time to consider it. I started thinking about why I felt like I had “failed” in youth ministry. The reasons? for “not having enough students to show up to things”, and not seeing The Lord knock students upside the head and seeing radical life change. Turns out, I had unrealistic expectations about what ministry was versus the reality of what ministry truly is.
I decided to pursue the position with Youth for Christ as a viable option. And I am so happy I decided to. I am working for Youth for Christ’s Campus Life in Pekin, and feel it is exactly where God wants me.
The idea of purpose goes way deeper than just my vocation, however. Yes, I do ministry vocationally, but LIFE ITSELF is ministry as a Christian. Whatever you do, you can glorify God. If you’re not a Christian, think of life as being a catalyst of doing the things that you NEED to do.
And that’s what I’m learning. Vocationally, I’m doing ministry, but Penn N Paper is a ministry field as well. If you’re not a Christian and reading this, that’s cool! I am SO glad you’re here and this platform is for EVERYONE. But it has me thinking, what does Penn N Paper mean? How is it helping others? How is it pushing and creating change? Is it sparking wonder and joy in people’s lives?
I think at the end of the day, God has uniquely made me to spark joy and wonder in people through art in various forms. With that said, consider this a new era of Penn N Paper. The purpose of what we are and what we do is changing. And I am so excited for it. Stay tuned next week I’m excited to unveil what the purpose is.