At times, I struggle with being a judgmental ***hole. A big reason of this is that people are crazy. Maybe you read that last sentence and immediately thought of someone. Guess what? YOU’RE JUDGMENTAL, TOO! Welcome to the club! We’re all struggling here to become better people.
I hate that I struggle with being judgmental. The reason is it’s so easy to see a person and judge them based on how they’re dressed, the words they are saying currently, how they’re walking…the list goes on...because it can be fun to make fun of people. This FOR SURE does NOT make it ok, though. I am SUPER good at roasting people, but try very hard not to do it because it’s “ACCURATE” and “MEAN” (so my good friends tell me—wow what no-fun nice people are they?). When I look around at the world though, via means of social media / the internet or see people talk, I have come to believe firmly that in the current Year of Our Lord 2020, we REALLY LOVE to judge people and live in a constant state of outrage.
And do not hear me wrong (or read between the lines incorrectly more specifically)—there ARE atrocities happening around us. There are things to be upset about. There are injustices to fight, wrongs to be righted, and work to be done. In modern society, however, there is rarely cases where I see constructive and helpful dialogue happening amongst people who disagree.
I think that it is good to have opinions (and I too have opinions [some VERY strong ones in fact]) on the following things:
religion
politics
social sciences
But do you know what you won’t see me post too much about social media about? “HOT TAKES” about any of the above things. While I have written about why I keep my social media “fluffy” before, I have never once in my entire life seen people spewing venomous hatred at each other in the comments section for one person to finally say “WOW! You know what, I have never thought of it that way, you’re right! Thank you for challenging my paradigms and making me change my mind.” Also, social media is designed to be an echo chamber with people that you agree with. Somebody sees something they don’t like that you posted? I guarantee that they have unfollowed / unfriended you. Generally if I am posting a “HOT TAKE”, it probably is not to be helpful. It is probably so that I can be seen as a “good guy” and get little hits of serotonin of people liking my post and feel good about myself, all while roasting anyone who disagrees with me in the comments. SO HELPFUL! (This is sarcasm.)
In case you have not figured it out by this blog, I was a Communications major in college. A big part of my education was learning the art of rhetoric and debate. And I believe that the art of rhetoric and debate is slowly dying in today’s culture. Debate is generally thought of two people yelling, and whoever can yell the loudest wins. I can assure you that this is not how a good debate should be. Unfortunately, we continue to slip into chaos where opposing voices are seen as “THE ENEMY!” and “SHOULD BE SILENCED AND SHAMED IMMEDIATELY!”
Before you jump to conclusions and call me a “snowflake liberal millennial” or a “die-hard conservative”, I can assure you I am neither of these categories. I do think, however, that as long as a voice is not speaking hatred, absolute lies, or harm to a human being—a voice should be heard. The older I get, the more I have realized how many complete 180s I have made in my belief systems—whether it be aspects of my faith, what I believed politically, or things I believed to be absolute truth about the world. I have been VERY wrong before, and there is a good chance that I can be VERY wrong again. And the only way to have paradigms shifted, worldviews challenged, and change in my thinking to occur, is having conversations.
That said, when stepping into conversations with people about religion, politics, or social sciences, I think the first step to having a helpful and constructive dialogue is coming into it with a humble and teachable mind: realizing that you are not the expert, and the other person (EVEN IF YOU COMPLETELY DISAGREE WITH THEM) can teach you something (even if that something is furthering your reasoning for having the stance you have). Much of the time we want to step into these types of conversations thinking “oooooo I’m gonna roast them and shame them sooooo good”, when in reality a conversation could completely change our mind and our worldview if we let it.
When having these conversations, it’s helpful to remember that the person with the opposing viewpoint came to their conclusions JUST LIKE YOU DID. They took their life experience, their feelings, their logic, and established an opinion or conclusion on an issue. Does this mean that there might be flaws or logical inconsistencies? Absolutely! (And you might have some as well!) But this means that if someone can give you the decency to state your opinion and why you believe this way, you should be able to do the same for someone else.
To make sure that we are approaching these conversations with humility and kindness, we have to take our ego out of the conversation. We need to make sure we don’t have impulsive reactions to something a person is saying. If I disagree with someone about something, sometimes what they are saying can make me upset. That does NOT mean that I need to resort to name-calling, talking over them, or tuning them out. (Again, I do think that as long as a voice is not speaking hatred, absolute lies, or harm to a human being—a voice should be heard. If the latter IS happening, it is important to speak up and not allow for this to continue.) The goal for conversations should not be shame—because shame never got anything done. When was the last time you heard someone say “yeah someone made me feel really bad about my beliefs until finally I agreed with them”? NEVER! Normally what happens is the yelling match begins, and it is no longer a productive conversation.
Changing minds and hearts takes time, many conversations, and compassion. Kindness always wins, because shame never got anything done. Now go debate and converse with kindness, friends.