Flat bills
Every stereotypical suburban youth minister owns a flat bill, whether it’s a hat repping his favorite sports team, his favorite 116-clique rapper, or his ministry’s organization sewn to the front.
Skinny Jeans
Want to spot a youth minister (or worship pastor) from a mile away? Look for the tightness of jeans. The tighter the jeans, the closer to God, right? I’m pretty sure that that’s in 2 Zebacania or something….
Cool Graphic Tees
According to most suburban youth ministers, the character of a man is only as good as his graphic tee. Superheroes, designs, or ones that can be found in our store are top notch.
Denim Shirts
Denim goes good in any capacity as Justin and Britney taught us in 2001, but they also can be seen on many a suburban youth minister.
Beanies
While those in the Old Testament may have worn head coverings, suburban youth ministers have their own head coverings—beanies. Sometimes even when it’s 80+ degrees they can be found wearing them.
Apple Products
The best kinds of suburban youth ministers own Apple products—or at least you would think so considering the amount that own them. If you want to make money off of suburban youth ministers, buy Apple stock.
Fancy-Coffee-Making-Things
Pour-overs. V60s. Frettas. French Presses. These are a few phrases suburban youth ministers may be incredibly fond of, and probably own to make their locally roasted coffee in.
Vinyls
High-fidelity sound with suburban flavor.
High Tops
The main difference that separates Justin Bieber from a suburban youth minister is one of them has dated Selena Gomez, and one hasn’t. High tops ABOUND!
A Leather-Bound Bible
Suburban youth ministers have a taste for leather-bound books (and apartments that smell of rich mahogany), so they OBVIOUSLY own a leather-bound Bible.
CRAP.
This post is obviously satirical of myself and isn't meant to offend. Thanks for letting me make fun of myself, and other suburbanite y-mins.