So let me tell you a truth about myself—I struggle with depression. If I’m being entirely honest, last week was a rough week. Someone close to me passed away the week prior. A couple things at work didn’t pan out like I thought they would. I had a hard conversation with people I care about. Instead of talking about my feelings, I bottled them up. One thing I’m really good at is pushing my emotions down deep deep inside of myself and saying that everything’s fine, and I’m “great!” when internally I feel like (in the words of Michael Gary Scott), “it feels like somebody took my heart and dropped it into a bucket of boiling tears...and at the same time, somebody else is hitting my soul in the crotch with a frozen sledgehammer...and then a third guy walks in and starts punching me in the grief bone...and I'm crying, and nobody can hear me, because I'm terribly, terribly...terribly alone.” Why do I believe the lie I'm terribly, terribly...terribly alone? I isolate and sink deeper into depression, rather than calling out to the community that I so desperately need in times like these.
While isolating, I start to think I’m not good enough (see post from two weeks ago for more on this matter). It KILLS my creativity, because I start thinking that everything I make is the worst, and that anything I make doesn’t matter. To better clarify how my brain works when I’m happy vs. when I’m depressed, here is a infographic of my own creation:
If you’re like me, try to get to the root of the “why” of your doing this isolating instead of finding support and help. For me, it’s a stupid pride issue. I don’t want to be perceived as weak. I don’t want to “be a burden” to people. I want people to think I have it together (which let’s be honest, no one ever fully does). It's when I finally opened up that I realized that none of this is true, and that I need to open up when I'm struggling. I'm not a burden to my friends and family. I don't have it all together, and that's ok. I am weak, and I need other people. We were created for community. We were created to be loved, to be connected, and to create. When we isolate, depression can be a creativity killer.
If you’re not getting help, there’s more than just creativity to be killed at stake. Depression, when isolating yourself, can kill you spiritually, emotionally, and if you isolate yourself for long enough—it can kill you. Thinking about taking your life? Find help. You are loved, created with a purpose, and have a story to tell. That’s worth living for.
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