Editorial Note: this is the least self-edited and most candid Evan has ever been in a blog post. That said, continue reading if you wish.
If you know me, you probably know I’m a relatively reserved man who appreciates his privacy. While this is generally the case, to be totally frank, life lately has been pretty crappy (both literally and figuratively). “But Evan, why?” you’re probably asking your device’s screen.
Well, if you weren’t aware, I have this thing called Crohn’s Disease. This is an auto-immune disorder where your immune system attacks your digestive system, and your small intestine gets super inflamed. When inflamed, this causes diarrhea, stabbing pain in your insides, rapid weight loss, and your c-reactive proteins in your body to go crazy (which according to my doctor “if you’re not careful, you can die of a heart attack at 35”).
I have had Crohn’s since 6th grade, and generally it’s been under control with medication and watching what I eat (though I never really had to be watching what I eat THAT closely until more recently).
Unfortunately, I’ve had a stressful couple months. I moved to a new city away from family / friends, started a new job, and have been dealing with some personal shizz that I will keep personal. While starting a new job has been a really great and needed change for me (I love my bosses, the work, and the pay), that doesn’t mean it hasn’t been stressful. According to recent studies, moving is one of the most stressful life events, “because the amount of tiny details involved in moving to a new home makes a lot of people feel hella bajiggity.” (That quote is hilarious, and doesn’t really prove anything, but the link to the article about stress is there.)
And do you know what triggers a Crohn’s flare-up? That’s right! Stress! Over time I started to feel worse and worse, and kept losing an unhealthy amount of weight, until inevitably I couldn’t make it into work. I knew I had to see my doctor, so I finally made an appointment.
After a lot of poking, prodding, blood work, a CT scan, and a stool sample (yes I had to poop in a bag, scoop it into a tube, put that tube in a bag, then another bag, and deliver it to my doctor’s office, making me officially the world’s shittiest delivery driver [I apologize for the language, but the joke is too good to pass up])—I found out that not only has my body decided to wage war against me with my Crohn’s, but that I also caught an infection. That infection? C Diff, aka clostridium difficile colitis, aka pseudomembranous colitis, aka pooping your guts out all the time with splashes of blood. (Sorry for the mental picture.)
C Diff is caused from a disruption of normal healthy bacteria in the colon. I keep my apartment pretty clean, I always wash my hands after I use the bathroom, and was super confused how I caught it. Apparently though (and by apparently I mean according to my doctor), this bacteria is all around us / inside of us, and it’s super common for people with Crohn’s to have it multiply and take over your body. If you don’t deal with C Diff, though, it can and will kill you. If it had damaged my intestines TOO much, I would have ended up needing surgery. (Luckily as I am editing this blog today, 12/06/19, my doctor has informed me that surgery is not necessary! INSANELY thankful.)
Since finding this out I have been on tons of medication, and it has been a massive struggle. Lots of pain happens. Crap happens. Lack of sleep from the previous two statements happens. Worse still, it’s very contagious, so you have to quarantine yourself and bleach every surface of your household / laundry, which I have done. And man, I miss my friends and my family, especially with this happening during Thanksgiving. (Also shout out to my parents who “aren’t afraid of getting sick” and let me kick it with them this past week / giving me all the bleach products necessary to not get them sick. I absolutely would have spiraled into self-pity and full-blown depression if not for them. [12/06/19 UPDATE: my doctor informed me I am no longer contagious! Things are beginning to look up.])
I will say, it’s totally ok to: acknowledge that sometimes life sucks, feel sad, feel overwhelmed, not know “why”, and seek help. However, I always try to stay positive (and I use humor to cope so please indulge me).
That’s why I have come up with the best parts of fighting a life-threatening illness.
Flaking on Plans? No Problem.
I’ve gotta say, the best part about fighting a life-threatening contagious illness is being able to cancel plans you didn’t really want to do for an ACTUAL legitimate reason. You know the type of plans—obligatory ones. It’s so easy to cancel, too.
“Ah, sorry man. Can’t make it. Don’t wanna get you sick.”
Sweet, sweet release.
*people checking calendar*
“DID EVAN CANCEL PLANS WITH MEEE????”
Don’t worry, this isn’t about you. OR IS IT?
Weight Loss
In early high school, I was super fat, or a “husky boi”, if you will. In college, I got into running, and slimmed down. I’ve never really been super skinny though, because honestly the main reason I run is to eat pizza.
Since having a huge Crohn’s flare-up and C Diff, I have lost 25+ pounds! Sure, it’s not the 25+ pounds I wanted, because now I look like if a skeleton and a melting snowman had a love-child (still got them love handles), but it’s a great place to start to get my “summer bod” ready whenever I get healthy again. And also sure, I may have lost most of my muscle mass, but who doesn’t love going to the gym and lifting an embarrassingly low amount of weight?
And ladies, I AM available.
Working from Home
As previously stated, I have an awesome job and bosses. (For anyone wondering what I do, I am a mortgage loan officer. If you need to refinance your home, are buying a home, or are looking to finance/refinance a commercial property, please contact me by clicking THIS LINK. Yes, I did just plug my job but it’s my blog post and I now have medical bills to pay for so get over it.) I also have a work laptop I use, and no one wants to get sick, which means I get to work from home.
While we currently live in a divisive time in America, I think there is one thing we can all agree on—pants are the worst. And do you know what you DON’T need to do when you work from home? That’s right, put on leg prisons, or pants, as “sophisticated, working members of society” call them. (I will say though I have terrible circulation and get cold relatively easily, so I’ve been wearing joggers a lot, which in my opinion are just yoga pants for men. They’re comfy, and loose in the right areas as to not create what I call the “moose knuckle effect”. Grandma I know you read my blog and I am so sorry for the last sentence.)
You heard it here first — talking about not wearing pants at home will unite America.
Sleeping a Ton
While it can be difficult to get a full night’s sleep with a Crohn’s flare and C Diff (heck I started writing this at 3am my time and it’s currently 4:47am whilst typing this sentence), when you do sleep, you sleep heavily and a TON. Naps are a new way of life for me.
I love sleep, and in the words of Dr. Steve Brule, “when you’re sleeping, there’s no lonely times. Just dreams.” And wow quarantining yourself gets very lonely.
A Family Member You Didn’t Expect Telling You about the Benefits of Medical Marijuana
We all have people in our life who are related to us and love us. Some of them may be relatively conservative, and the LAST person you would expect to tell you to try using medical marijuana. I won’t say what family member this was, but we had a full on text conversation about this.
To be honest, I could get medical marijuana for my Crohn’s (this is true. Google it if you don’t believe me), as supposedly it helps lessen inflammation. As a teen, however, I did try the devil’s lettuce once and HATED it, because it just made me weird and sad. (People always assumed that I smoked in high school though, because I was a “chill dude”. SORRY FELLAS, I’m just high on life *puts on sunglasses and rides off on a micro scooter*)
I won’t get into the medical jargon / arguments for and against medical marijuana here, (as I still am forming opinions about this subject) but if you would have told me I would be texting the specific family member about this issue and they were pro-Dr. Dre, I would have told you “no! You’re crazy!”
My brain is still exploding just thinking about it.
People Assuming Things
When people hear you’re sick, they generally just assume you have a cold or something. It’s really crazy to explain what’s happening and say “so yeah if left untreated this could kill me” and see people’s responses. It’s made me feel really loved and valued.
Also, it cracks me up that some of you probably read the whole “flaking on plans” thing and automatically assumed it was about you. If you think it was, text me. I can assure you, it was not. OR WAS IT???
Finally Feeling Confident to Fart Again
I’m not really sure who will be able to relate to this, but farting with this kind of sickness is a dangerous game. You might think it’s safe, and all of a sudden you’re throwing away what used to be a perfectly good pair of joggers. It’s a devastating blow (literally), and you hate to see it happen.
Recently, the medication has started to work, and my digestive system is (please Jesus) getting back on track. I farted safely the other day, and it felt like an angel appeared and started singing to me “For You I Will” by Monica. (This joke will be lost on most people reading this, but it’s a love song about being protected and the lengths a person [that person being 90s R&B superstar Monica] would go for their lover. It’s honestly a great song, and is featured on the Space Jam soundtrack, which was my first album I ever owned. This of course was followed by Contemporary Christian Music legend Steven Curtis Chapman’s album “Speechless”, which should explain an insane amount of who I have become as a person.)
In Conclusion
Life lately has been pretty rough. But in the words of the greatest stuntman of our time Rod Kimble, “Life is pain - we've got to scrape the joy from it every chance we get.”
While the C Diff is slowly getting resolved, I have some complications with my Crohn’s Disease that are ongoing, but it’s good to know that things are beginning to turn around.
If you were offended by any of this, honestly I do not care. Writing this brought me joy, and I need to seek joy during this time.
Peace and Blessings / May God be with you,
Evan